Faking Normal

Alexi Littrell is keeping a secret. Something happened to her over the summer, something that drives her to hide in her closet and scratch the back of her neck to the point of bleeding. She’s lost but she can’t show it. That all changes when a tragedy rocks their town and Bodee Lennox, known as The Kool-Aid Kid due to him dying his hair wild colors with packs of Kool-Aid, is suddenly living with them. He gets Alexi in ways no one else does and together, they just might be able to start facing their pasts and start healing.

This is definitely the kind of book that stays with you. Alexi’s voice, her confused thoughts, everything about her, just came off as so real that there were times while reading that my hands were shaking. This is a voice that could easily belong to someone you know.

There’s a lot of books out there that deal with rape but this is the first one I’ve come across that deals with the victim making excuses for her rapist. The ‘I let him’, the ‘he was hurt/vulnerable’, the ‘other than that night, he’s a good guy’. With all this, Alexi’s mind and thoughts are an understandable mess. I felt for her through the whole book.

Bodee, I definitely fell in love with him. He was so caring and gentle with Alexi, even while facing his own demons. The slow development of their friendship was absolutely amazing. Alexi’s two girlfriends, Heather and Liz, were also great characters. Very different from each other so each had their own voice and their own issues through the book.

One of the favorite things was how Alexi latched on to Captain Lyric, a person who had written a song lyric on her desk and when she wrote the next line, it became their thing. I completely understood her desire not to find out who was Captain Lyric because knowing would change everything.

I did suspect who the rapist was early on but that didn’t matter. It’s not a story full of twists, it’s about Alexi trying to come to terms with what happened to her. The writing, the pacing, the sensitivity to such hard topics, it’s really hard to believe this is a debut author. Courtney C Stevens is definitely someone to watch for.

Yes, this could technically be considered an “issues” book. And I don't consider it spoilers to alert readers up front that the theme revolves heavily around sexual abuse and the emotional/psychological damage that results. This book is a potentially important piece that could prove cathartic to those who've faced--or may eventually face--similar pain/trauma (as far too many girls do, statistically speaking). It also could prove helpful to those who may know and care for someone who's been abused—offering an opportunity to build comprehension and empathy.

Told entirely from 16-year-old Alexi's first-person present-tense point of view, we follow her increasingly failing efforts at feigning normalcy in the aftermath of being raped by someone she'd trusted. The 'whodunnit' angle of this story will no doubt be a bane to some—it honestly was to this reader at first. But eventually I was able to accept it as a realistic manifestation of Alexi's trauma that she would be blocking things out and default to interacting with the offender as though nothing had happened. I've seen some reviewers argue that it isn't reasonable that she would respond in such a way, but I've personally seen this same essential thing happen. Negative coping mechanisms aren't often readily logical, and not everyone responds to such abuse, betrayal, stress, and mental fracturing in the same manner. (i.e. Just because some can't relate with it (fortunately for them) doesn't make the depiction less feasible or realistic.)

Okay, now that I've taken some disclaimer time with the subject matter, lets move on to the actual story and style factors:

For a present-tense telling, this book didn't aggravate me nearly as much as that choice often does. I was caught up enough in the pacing, and the come-and-go inner psychosis of Alexi, I could get past the discomfort. Alexi herself is difficult to connect to—which I think is actually part of the point, as she is in a state of disconnect from herself and the reality she isn't ready to face. She's only partially there...and the part we are seeing is trapped in a mental feedback loop of adolescent angst and victim's guilt. But fortunately Alexi, and the reader by extension, are introduced to the enigma of Bodee early on.

Bodee was the reason I kept picking the book back up. A tortured 'old soul' of a different sort, he has his own trauma and guilt to deal with. Bodee's coping mechanisms involve keeping quiet to the point of invisibility, dying his hair with Kool-aid packets, and deciding to notice and patiently interfere with Alexi's self-destruction. His growth as the story progressed was probably the single strongest page-turning motivator, in this reviewer's opinion.

The writing voice is strong—well suited to YA without being shallow or short-sighted. On the down side...it felt as though metaphors came a bit too frequently, and felt hit-or-miss at times--some were powerful, but a few were distracting/confusing. Physical descriptions of characters—aside from Bodee—were also a bit sparse...and most of the side characters felt a bit flat. Although, these issues could possibly be interpreted a result of being locked so close into Alexi's questionably functional first-person perceptions. A related issue that did take me out of the story had to do with the semi-abrupt resolution and Alexi's narcissistic older sister...for which I can only explain with a properly hidden spoiler. (See full Goodreads review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/865508798?book_show_action=false)

But aside from that, I wasn't bothered by the lack of immediate justice as provided by the ending. That part was all too realistic. Abusers don't always face the vindicating consequences we might like to see rain down on them before the epilogue. And in the case of this story, the ending is really more the beginning of the end—with a few things left to be resolved but still blatantly in the works.

Overall, I would not only recommend to the general YA audience, but I would go out of my way to get this book for my goddaughters.

I wanted to read Faking Normal because I am drawn to anything about self-harm. I used to be a cutter and still get the urges to sometimes. But books like this aren't really a trigger for me, just like I can read about suicide and depression. Everyone should know their limits. To me, it is very therapeutic and it gives me a sense of really being connected with the character and knowing that I am past that and they can heal as well. But I think that it handled these touchy personal subjects in a delicate and tasteful way.
Courtney Stevens wrote a winner in Faking Normal. I was able to connect to Alexi, her pain was palpable and I totally relate with the putting on a mask and pretending like everything is okay on the outside when deep down there is pain. I don't share her particular pain of the past but there are things that I never wanted to talk about either, and put on that front. But her journey to realizing that she can trust her family and the right friends with her heart and her pain is so beautiful, watching her become strong enough to tell the truth and stand up for herself is amazing.
I think that Alexi's silence is all too common. That she thinks she can handle it, and that she doesn't want the pain to be out in the world. She thinks it is her fault which is also common in these cases. I think that in these aspects, it keeps it really realistic and makes her sympathetic to what others have experienced. She couldn't find her voice to say no, but she was crying. She blames herself in this way too, while I wished she would have made a clear word or pushed him away, if she didn't want it, it is rape. That is hard too, that fine line of letting it happen and it being rape. But I think with the obvious circumstances when you find out who, it is a line that never should have been crossed. They weren't in any sort of relationship and it wasn't a precedent. So, like I said, amazingly handled, and I think that it shows a new issue. When she was raped but unable to actually verbalize no. Her silence is such a theme in this book, and finding her voice is such growth in her.
And the circumstances for how it comes about is through Bodee. He is the underdog, the Kool Aid kid because he dyes his hair a rainbow of colors with Kool Aid and his painful past. He is quiet, awkward, but loyal to a fault. Over time as they are living in the same house, they begin to talk with each other or even just sit in silence together and they have a bond because they can recognize that pain beneath the surface. I loved everything about Bodee--that he doesn't have the need to fill silences, that he is strong, observant, and that he's a good guy. He steps in and talks with Alexi, lets her know that she can trust him and he proves himself as a friend over and over and going above and beyond what even a best friend might do. He is an ultimate book boyfriend and he is what made this a 5 star, amazing instead of just a 4, I love it. Because it is a friendship, a slow burn, a build up and anticipation. They want to help each other through their pain, give their fears and past a voice, help the other one be stronger.
"And I promise to stop whoever is hurting you."
I stand there barely breathing and he says something that sounds like "Even if it's you."
How can you not love a boy man like that? Life has shown him the hard way that it can be cruel but also beautiful and even when he didn't before, to stand up for who he cares about and help them get out of the way of pain. He is so well developed and fleshed out. Amazingness.
The story never lets up and there is character development and relationship progress at every turn. I thought that I had everything figured out but I didn't. There were things and twists that took me by surprise and ended up making it even more powerful. I read this literally in one sitting, and it kept this stay at home mommy who has to get up at 7am up until past 3 devouring these words and characters that stole my heart.
So, I saw on my dear friend blogger The Eater of Books (even though the issues didn't sit well with her, she like me loved Bodee) but she posed the question, why do people cut, that it didn't make sense to her personally. So, as I have experience with this, I ended up writing a novella, and thought that I would put it here since it relates to the book. So... I will chime in and say that the cutting-- the nails on the neck--scars on wrist, whatever, I have been there and done that. It really does provide a sense of relief if you have ptsd or depression or even something hard in the past.
It gives a sense of control, and release. I used to do it because I wasn't in control of what my parents did, where I lived, what other kids said about me behind my back, what my boyfriend did--if he paid attention to me, if he was mean to me, and even if I gave a voice to it, I couldn't really explain. I felt like I couldn't control anything, but I could control physical pain that I could feel.
YES, it has been mainstreamed as "emo" and therefore it really doesn't have some of the seriousness that it should. It can be a cry for help, but it most likely to the victim can be a physical marker of the emotional pain that they feel inside.
Maybe that explains a little better the why.

And back to the book. The ending is amazing and even though I didn't want to leave the characters because I loved them and wished for more time with them, every thing was wrapped up well. It gave that perfect balance of realistic, giving hope and healing as well as giving me a taste of what their truly happily ever after could be. I wouldn't want them to completely have it in a powerful, deep and emotional story like this, because that would be glossing over their problems instead of seeking true help and healing.
This kinda describes their ending, their friendship, their trust, their relationship.
I know we’re still broken. Both of us. But Bodee’s got the glue to make us whole. He is love.
- ARC, Faking Normal
Bottom Line: Powerful, emotional, and I related with Alexi and loved everything about Bodee.

This book took me on an emotional ride from start to finish. This debut is an amazing one and Courtney Stevens manages to capture everything just perfectly. Books like this tend to be some of my absolute favorites and this one was no exception.

Over the summer things abruptly changed for Alexi. Now, in order to keep her secret quiet, she must act normal. Act like everything is okay. But it's not okay. She seeks comfort in scratching her neck to try and dull the pain she's dealing with. She retreats to her safe haven, her closet whenever she can

Her friends Heather and Liz have no idea what's going on and Alexi knows she can't tell them. It would ruin everything for them as well. Alexi believes that she can keep this secret because she doesn't want her friends and family to have their worlds turned upside down as well.

Then comes Bodee Lennox. He was an unexpected surprise. He had his own demons to deal with and yet he was willing to help Alexi with hers.Slowly but surely Alexi begins to open up to him in a way that she hasn't been able to open up to anyone since the summer.

In so many YA books, authors put certain topics as taboo topics. Yet Courtney does not. These teenagers talk about sex openly and not in a disgusting way. There's no pressure to be in love before you have sex so it doesn't get all preachy, which I am extremely thankful for.

Before Alexi realizes it, she's grown stronger emotionally and she's ready to tell the world what happened. Even if it ruins the lives of her family and friends. She knows now that she has to do it. Bodee is the reason behind it. He encourages her to come forward with what she knows. He knows she doesn't want to but he also knows that she needs to tell everyone so she can begin the healing process.

As much as this story was about Alexi and her journey to begin the healing process, this story was also about Bodee and how he was going to be his mom's voice unlike before. Bodee was the standout character in this book. I loved him. Like a lot. He was amazing and the way he cared about Alexi was sweet without being cheesy.

I absolutely didn't like her older sister Kayla. She seemed very immature for being 8 years older than Alexi. Yet at the end of this book, she turned into the sister that Alexi desperately deserved which of course made me really happy.

Before I forget, I need to gush about the writing for a bit. How absolutely gorgeous it was. It reminded me a lot of Katja Millay's writing but Courtney still maintained her own voice in her writing. So it was beautiful, reminiscent of Katja Millay's writing but it was still unique which I really loved.

This book had all the feels and the amazing characters in it. It was an indescribable book. I am sure I'll have a hangover from this book for awhile. It was that amazing and sob inducing. So sob inducing in fact that I ran out of kleenex and had to sob in my sweatshirt sleeve. Five stars to this amazing contemporary debut.