If You Find Me

Wow. This book is stunning. Dark yet also light. Pretty yet also with ugly secrets. Every page reveals a little more of what is unexpected.

This book is the best I had read in quite a while. It is mindblowing. Every word, every sentence, every paragraph will echo in the reader's head.

Carey... The main character who is the victim with a lot of dark secrets. She is the one narrating the book. Carey gives a little information one bit at a time. It's also as if she is afraid of what the reader might think of her. Carey is a perfectly balanced character. She is light and kind and protective. But she is also dark, shameful, and full of guilt. She balances all the responsibilities her mother gave her. She is badass. (She could fire a shotgun. Badass, for sure.) Carey has a unique view of the world. She believes that a certain of group of people are like that, but they are not. She slowly learns that there are good people in the world. Not everyone is as horrible as she thinks. Carey is slow to trust people because of the time she spent in the woods. Carey's big secret was dark, yet Carey doesn't realize that her secret isn't really dark at all. She is just guilty, but it isn't her fault. Carey, like a lot of women in the world, is slow to forgive things. Carey is such a complex character with a lot of depth like the Pacific Ocean. And she is only fourteen years old. Totally like a huntress.

Jenessa... Carey's sister (biological). Who couldn't fall in love with a girl like Jennessa? She is so adorable. Jenessa is six years old. She seems much more mature than how old she really is. I wish there are more six year olds like her. The world of six years old will suddenly be a whole lot more cuter! Jenessa is selectively mute. The why question? Because of Carey's dark secret.

Del... Carey's other sister (by marriage). And evil stepsister. I love how her attitude change throughout the book. When Carey discovers her sister's dirty secrets, Carey and her stepsister are a little closer to each other. They are friendlier. I love the character change.

The plot was good. The twists and turns can make the reader's jaw drop all the way to the ground. Some of it was just outrageous in a good way, of course. Many of it was shocking. Other twists and turns, you'll have to put the book down just to catch your breath because the twists/turns were...shocking and mindblowing and... Just WOW!

I mentioned that Carey drops a little of her past bit by bit right? Every little word or sentence or even paragraph will echo in the reader's mind until they can process it. Actually, even if the reader can process it, the words will echo for a very long time. The darkest secret was so dark that I shut the book and didn't start reading it again for a long time.

I love all these little references to Winnie the Pooh, Emily Dickinson, and other famous poets. These little references totally helped me understand the story. The little sections of poems and references to Winnie the Pooh somehow made the book a little more realistic.

SPOILERS (Skip this section if you didn't read this book)

1) Carey's darkest secret:

She killed a man. With her shotgun. Because he was a threat to Jenessa and Carey. He wanted money and Carey's mother.

2) Jenessa will start talking again.

3) Del's secret:

She is sleeping with some boy in her school. Del's a Sophomore.

4) Carey and Jenessa attacked.

End Spoilers

This book's rating is a five out of five.

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A heartbreaking and sad but beautiful story about a girl kidnapped by her meth-addicted mother when she was only four years old that will make you think what true love can do to save the people we love. Carey and her mother live in a broken broken-down camper in the woods after she kidnapped her from her father who had her custody. Carey had to grow much faster than any child should after Jenessa her little sister was born. She practically become her Ness (as Carey called her)mother, taking care of her while their mother left them for moths to get supplies and her drugs. They live there hidden from the world for almost as long as they can remember, but one day their mother lefts and never returns. The girls are taken by their long lost father to live a normal life after all the pain and suffering. That's when Carey and Nessa's lives change forever and they discover true love apart from the only love they ever had, each other.
I felt in love with the story right away because of Carey's courage and loyalty; I could not put it down. The writing was absolutely gorgeous. The best part of this book is the strong, unbreakable and breathtaking sisterly bond between Carey and Jenessa. I love how there relationship develops and becomes more power with each passing page. This story will make you want to protest Carey and Ness from all the harm and suffering they endured. This book will never leave my heart, I will always remember how strong Carey and Ness were. I am so glad I won this book in the first reads giveaway.Such a uplifting story that makes love and family the most important theme in the story. I wish Murdoch makes a sequel; I want to know what happens to Carey after her secret is revealed. It was a special story with lots of love put into. 5 stars

I never thought I'd feel this way after reading the book. I didn't feel the connection in an instant the moment I started reading the book but as the story progressed, it pulled me towards it. It was heartbreaking, compelling and poignant. There's reality in it no matter how rare those things happen in real life. The emotions were there and the characters were tangible. Everything felt real.

I love how Murdoch maintained few characters and avoided a circus out of it. It was more believable because of Carey's background. The way each scenes rolled out was well-paced. It built suspense and makes you wanna read faster but at the same time, I felt like I wanna be suspended in time and slowly take it all in. It contributed to the right emotion I felt while I was reading Carey's confession.

The characters were amazingly written. I loved each of them, even Delaney! Among all of them, my favourite would be Melissa. I have read tons of books, fairy tales even, and step-mothers don't have a clean record but Melissa was so nice and motherly. She makes me wanna curl up beside my mother and make her read to me some stories.

Jenessa's vulnerability is heart-wrenching. If this was a movie, I'm pretty sure you'd see it in their eyes how they lost they were. Carey too. She acts tough and fearless for the sake of her sister but underneath it is a girl who's afraid and clueless on what to do next.

This is story will break your heart, but you'll love it.

The hype machine being what it is, and my tendency to reject well-loved books being what it is, I started reading If You Find Me with no little nervousness. I’d read enough reviews to figure out that it had all the buzzwords I tend to look for, and when not one but two mystery packages showed up at my doorstep containing this book, I figured the heavens were sending me a sign. And I am very glad to report that Emily Murdoch did not disappoint.

In a sentence, If You Find Me is about two sisters’ reintegration into society after spending several years living in a camper in the woods. The story is simple. But I’ve oftentimes found that the most simple stories carry the strongest weight. For me, this was a book about relationships. Sibling relationships, parent-child relationships, friendships. One the topic of relationships, I can only say “bravo!”

The book is told in first-person from fourteen-year-old Carey’s perspective. As the elder of the two sisters, Carey has functioned as a parent for her sister Nessa for years. Carey has lived in the woods for over ten years, and with only her meth-addict mother and her junkie friends as a point of contact to the outside world, her perspective is understandably skewed. She views her newfound father with suspicion, her ideas of family and (in particular) sexuality are skewed, and she acts more like a middle-aged parent than a teen girl. Her gradual adjustment to “normal” life was rewarding and heartwarming.

One thing that YA fiction needs to see more of, in my opinion, is nice people. Genuine, caring people who try their best to do the right thing and make other people comfortable. I’d heard that If You Find Me was populated by just such characters, but I didn’t believe it until I was a hundred pages in, ready to strangle-hug every single person in Carey’s life. There were no bad guys in this book, and it was such a wonderful change of pace. From Carey’s new family to the kids at school, everyone was so nice. Even Carey’s stepsister, who started off nasty, ended up showing a soft side. I loved watching all these people interact with each other, find new footing, and resolve the issues of the past. It was so wonderful to watch.

Sadly, as much as I’d like to say If You Find Me was perfect, it wasn’t for me. As much as I adored the characters and the story, it felt like there was something missing. Some touch of emotion, depth to secondary characters, loose threads. I can’t say for sure. I wish I did know. That missing piece, however, did not affect my overall enjoyment of the book at all, and I would hate to drive anyone away from this book because of it—because this book is ultimately very fulfilling.

I’m going to have to thank everyone for pushing this book into a place where I could notice it. Emily Murdoch is a debut author to watch out for, and If You Find Me was absolutely fantastic. I think this is a great book for those in search of issue books that don’t stomp on your heart and smush it to pieces—the emotion is there, but it’s much more joyful and bright than is typical of realistic fiction. I found this book to be authentic and touching.

I loved how close Carey and Janessa are as sisters.

This and other reviews can be found on http://readingbetweenclasses.blogspot.ca/

Title: If You Find Me
Author: Emily Murdoch
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin
Release Date: March 26, 2013
Rating: 5/5

Cover Impressions: The cover is not particularly attractive and I don't feel it will stand out on a shelf. This is unfortunate, because the story that is held within it's pages would never blend in and deserves to be highlighted appropriately.

The Gist: As a child, Carey was spirited away by her meth addicted mother to a camper in the woods. Suffering abuse, mal-nutrition and the ever-aching cold, she manages to carve out an existance for herself and her sister, Jenessa. When two strangers enter the woods and claim that their mother has left them for good, the two girls are brought back to society and must learn a whole new way of life. As the girls attempt to put the past behind them, Carey finds she cannot escape not only what was done to her, but the horrific things that she has done.

Review:

In If You Find Me, we are introduced to Carey and Janessa. Carey has spent most of her life attempting to survive in the most awful of circumstances and raising Janessa in the absence of their mother. Carey has one of the most incredible voices that I have encountered in quite a while. As the narrator, Carey's speech patterns are authentic, using colloquialisms and speech patterns, without becoming gimmicky and distracting. Her sister also plays a very important role in the narrative. Neglected and suffering from selective mute-ism, Janessa still manages to steal the hearts of everyone that she encounters - readers included. Though, I must admit, I found it a little hard to believe that a child born and raised in the woods would not find this new world at least a little overwhelming. Rounding out the cast are Carey's father, his wife, Melissa and her daughter, Delaney. The relationships of the entire family are well written and realistic. Carey and Delaney certainly do not get along right away and there are some moments where I wanted to strangle the spoiled princess, but, eventually, we do get a glimpse of the situation through Delaney's eyes and are able to see how Carey's kidnapping has impacted the lives of all of those left behind.

Carey and Janessa's story is a heartbreaking one that is often difficult to read. Having had a child, I find these books hit me much harder now than they ever did before. They also remind me to think about the secret struggles that my own students might be dealing with at home. The book begins with the girls "rescue" and their history is only revealed through references and flashbacks. I found this style very effective as it starkly compares the struggles of Carey's new life (trying to fit it, bullying and homesickness) with those from her old life. I was very glad that the author chose to portray Carey's longing for the woods and her desire to run back there as a result of the human condition to find beauty in almost any situation and the fact that it was the only home Carey had known for such a long period of her life.

If You Find Me is not an easy read, but it is one worth the effort. If you are considering it for a younger audience, please take note below - this novel contains some disturbing descriptions of child abuse and rape and needs to be read with a certain level of maturity.

Teaching/Parental Notes:

Age: 16 and up
Gender: Both
Sex: Kissing, Sex between teenagers
Violence: Child Abuse (physical, emotional and sexual), Neglect, Kidnapping, Rape, Gunplay.
Inappropriate Language: Yes
Substance Use/Abuse: Meth use, Underage Drinking, Smoking

I was seriously impressed by Emily Murdoch’s debut novel. In fact, I think it is the strongest that I have read this year.

The book is not perfect by any means. The romance was a bit awkward and just a little too smooth (and perhaps even unnecessary) for my liking but that was a minor issue. Everything else though, was absolutely amazing.

I am always wary of realistic novels because they often deal with difficult subjects that I usually dive into the fiction world to avoid. The themes are dark and pain is a prerequisite. They call it “problem novels” in some circles (usually accompanied by a sneer or an unflattering twist of the lips). What made If You Find Me stand out for me was not just the premise but how completely Murdoch was able to immerse herself in Carey’s voice and world. World building, as my writing professor pointed out, is not just limited to fantasy. It is an essential part of any story whether it be set in a fantastic world or the real one. Carey’s voice never wavers, never slips – it is always Carey with her flaws, hesitations and thousand and one issues.

The other thing that impressed the hell out of me was Murdoch’s use of “dialect” to separate Carey and create her as an outsider in her community. It is so gracefully done without any explicit narrative necessary to paint Carey as different. All she needs to do is think in the way (in the language) that comes naturally to her and the reader will see her as separate and distinct. Very well done.

Another beautiful aspect of this novel was the relationship between the two sisters. It was heart wrenching and heartwarming. Their interactions served to speak volumes about their characters without actually saying anything. Even the resident mean girl has a story and motivation and their relationship is not black and white but rather complex and layered.

Also refreshing is the binary portrayal of parents in this novel. The mother is beyond horrible and there were moments when I was choked by grief or anger or both at the atrocious things Carey’s mother did to them. The way Carey’s father is portrayed is masterful. First the reader approaches him with the same distrust and caution Carey does and then, gradually, as Carey warms to him so do the readers. Kinda like sitting in the dark just before dawn and watching the sun come up and slowly illuminate everything.

I couldn’t understand the purpose of making Carey beautiful. Is there some kind of subtext that I am not getting or is it to say that beautiful things and people emerge from horrible surroundings and people? I am not sure. I could come up with a dozen other explanations but I am just going to let it go without thinking too much about it. The ending is beautiful but it did make me feel a bit anxious because I am not sure what happens to Carey and I need her to have a happy ending. Wendy told me that the paperback copy will have an epilogue that spells things out but that will be a long wait unless the author takes pity on us and release it as an e-copy.

In conclusion, I strongly recommend this title. Grab a box of tissues, a cup of tea and snuggle up. It might make your list of best books of the year. I know it made mine.