House of Night: Marked

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While I do admit to the premise being interesting, despite the basic Harry Potter spin (Kid despises family, whisked away to magical school), this book is by far the worst vampyre (or, as the authors prefer, vampyre) novel I have ever, in my entire life, had the misfortune of reading. I would describe it as one of the more unfortunate instalments of Gossip Girl, except all the dialogue is unrealistic and all the characters are vampyres. But wait! They don't drink blood to create new vampyres. Instead, they appear at random places and moments of time and create these 'fledglings' by saying a corny incantation which makes a blank crescent moon appears on some kids forehead. Yeah. That's what happens.

Let's look at the horrible inner and outer dialogue:

1. Overuse of the whole "out-of-quotation" exclamation mark ("Quote", imagine how silly that would be!) - I don't know why, but it bugs me. A lot.
   
2. Use of the words 'yummy' and 'hateful'. Again, these are teenagers, like, 17 year olds. I have not said 'yummy' since I was seven, and I don't know anyone who uses 'hateful' in everyday conversation.
   
3. Painfully corny, down to the facial expressions.
   
4. It's a mother-daughter writing team. Need I say more?
   
5. It could basically pass as a long children's book, if it weren't for the clumsy addition of stereotypical gay placement.

In addition, the character development is like a bad piece of fan fiction. The main protagonist's shaky narrative is only stood-off by the misplaced addition of extremely detailed description of her Cherokee facial features and annoyingly cheesy vampyric rituals. She seems to be unable to describe the world around her unless she's staring into a mirror or discussing all the guys she could screw, which might just be the ultimate example of ego brushing, if I've ever seen one.

Another thing you might notice is that people are mentioned that you'd think would be important, such as Zoey's biological brother and sister. They are referred to once in the first novel as a junior and senior, one's a cheerleader who gets around and one's a meat-headed jock, and that's the end of it. Not even on the oh-so irksome 'Parent Day' are they mentioned. You'd think something like this would be explored upon, but maybe the two authors just sort of hoped their readers would forget about it.

And, if none of this were enough, apparently every celebrity you love (or hate) are---wait for it---VAMPYRES as well. Very publicly so. Every genius in history, every country singer, every socialite. All. Vampyres. Again, the writing duo seems to think that misplaced, awkward pop-culture references will make up for their lack of personal and social skills.

Overall, it could have been written by a sensually depraved, teen drama obsessed sixteen year old. It might have been something far more enjoyable, but alas, in "Marked", P.C. and Kristen disappoint (for three more novels, might I add). It's a nice idea, but not nice enough to actually waste time on.