Review Detail

NOTE: I had gifs in my review of this, but it doesn't allow it, so read it on my goodreads!

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/239347812

I finished this book without dying, y'all!

This post is going to contain spoilers.

Shh.. everyone stay quiet for a moment while I try to recollect my brain cells to write this review because I've lost a lot reading this....

I have never finished a book that's been rated 1 star. I wanted to throw this book, burn it -- anything to keep it from making my eyes pop out of my head. I don't even know where to begin with this review, but I'm giving it a shot.

I wanted to like this book, I really did. Clockwork Angel and Clockwork Prince was -- I have no idea how -- amazing. I tried to read City of Bones last year but stopped on page 177 because it was just a godawful read. After reading the first two books of The Infernal Devices I questioned my judgement on C.O.B. I thought, 'Hey, maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. This prequel series will give me more insight on The Mortal Instruments, so it would probably be a decent read'. Wrong, wrong, WRONG.

Here's what I hated about the book:

Clary was just annoying. I hated her. She was a waste a space, she screamed over the simplest of things, she was a coward, she always forgot Simon was around, and she was in the way of things.

I can't believe Alec is even called a Shadowhunter when he's never killed a demon in his life and he had the nerve to say Clary can't handle what they're about to face. Hey, Alec, at least Clary killed ONE demon.

Cassandra Clare copied Harry Potter: J.K. Rowling says 'Muggles' for humans; Clare says 'Mundies'. Rowling says 'Squib' for a witch/wizard without any magic, but is a pureblood; Clare says 'Ifrit'. Rowling writes flying motorcycle; so does Clare. In the Order of the Phoenix by Rowling, Sirius gave Harry a picture of the organisation Sirius and the rest of some people took part in before Voldemort killed half of them off... well, in CoB, Hodge gives Clary a photo before Valentine goes bad and killed off half of his group. What happened to a little something we call Originality?

Jace's an idiot. His character went from being, 'I'm so cool, I killed the most demons!' to 'Clary... Clary... (view spoiler) I love you. Dad... you left me, I.... what? Dad, tell Clary the truth about you... I'm... so... stupid...and...sensitive now.'

Whenever Clare tried to be funny but fails horribly.

The Incest.

-----------------------

Now I'm not going to lie, some bits of the story was funny so I'll give some props for that:

'Dinnertime!' It was Isabelle, standing framed in the door of the library. She still had the spoon in her hand, though her hair had escaped from its bun and was straggling down her neck. 'Sorry if I'm interrupting,' she added, as an afterthought.
'Dear God,' said Jace, 'the dread hour is nigh.'
Hodge looked alarmed. 'I-I-I had a very filling breakfast,' he stammered. 'I mean lunch. A filling lunch. I couldn't possible eat--'
'I threw the soup out,' Isabelle said. 'And ordered Chinese from that place downtown.'
Jace unhitched himself from the desk and stretched. 'Great. I'm starved.'
'I might be able to eat a bite,' admitted Hodge meekly.
'You two are both terrible liars,' said Isabelle darkly. 'Look, I know you don't like my cooking--'
'So stop doing it,' Jace advised her reasonably.

Passages I found stupid:

So Clary gets a call from her frantic mother telling her not to come home, stay wherever she is and that she's in trouble and Valentine. The line goes dead and Clary rushes home:

'Mom?' Clary called out. 'Mom, I'm home.'

- Yeah, Clary, despite the fact your mother was fighting off demons and how they snatched her; making the line go dead, you never failed to say, 'Mom, I'm home.' What were you expecting: your mom coming out the kitchen asking if you wanted a sandwich?

Clary felt a scream rising in her chest: 'Mom!' she shrieked. 'Where are you? Mommy!' She hadn't called Jocelyn 'Mommy' since she was eight.

-

Really, Clary, really? A chapter ago you were going off on your mom telling her how you could take care of yourself and how you're 'practically an adult'.

He cut a glance toward Jace, who was walking a few paces ahead of them, apparently conversing with the cat. Clary wondered what they were talking about. Politics? Opera? The high price of tuna?

-

What the hell did I just read? Was this supposed to be funny?

Hodge pushed his plate away. 'Valentine was insane,' he said. 'Brilliant, but insane...'

- Ha, funny, 'cos this reminded me of Mr Ollivander when he said, 'After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things — terrible, yes, but great.'

Clary wondered if there were any ugly vampires, or maybe any fat ones. Maybe they didn't make vampires out of ugly people. Or maybe ugly people just didn't want to live forever.

-

You know what, this is going to take forever because I have 60% of this 'book' bookmarked with crap I need to write down and I'm too lazy to write them. I can't believe I'm going to read City of Ashes, but it's only because people are telling me the series will get better. I hope so.